Archive for November, 2010

COVINA – Bob Fortune used to install at least two stripper poles per day in people’s bedrooms and garages a few years ago, but now, like other victims of these hard times, he’s been stripped to the bone.  Fortune, a general contractor turned pole maven, announced last week that he is closing his business and liquidating all his poles.  Obama’s stimulus package, while well intentioned, apparently did not trickle down to the stripper pole business in enough time to save Fortune.  “All these banks and car companies got bailout money, but I guess strippers, or bored housewives, aren’t important to him.  And he doesn’t know why he lost the House to the republicans?,” cried Fortune at a recent Tea Party rally.  “America has a proud stripping tradition, we invented the pole, and he is giving the industry away to the Chinese.”

There was a bit of a boom – more of a va-va-voom – in the domestic stripper pole business between 2002 and 2007, but it is unclear if the decline is the result of discretionary income shortages or simply a loss of interest in the hobby.  Mary Jane Waters had a pole installed in her bedroom by Fortune in 2006 and while she initially used it a lot she now rarely uses it – she had a baby in 2007.  “My ex bought it for me, or him, as a birthday present and I really got into it,” said the buxom Waters.  “But then he left me for a real stripper, and I had the baby, and now I am working as a stripper and pole dancing is the last thing I want to do when I get home.”

Fortune is letting his poles go for fifty bucks – he paid one hundred – and he is throwing in a large bottle of pole polish for free.  “I have some interest from overseas from a stripper school in Slovakia that has a contract with the Spearmint Rhino, but I would prefer to sell them to Americans.  My friend’s daughter is interested in stripping and I told him there is no place like home to start.”


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