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Archive for October, 2008

Nobody rides for free

Nobody rides for free

EL SEGUNDO — They call him “Methane Man,” but he doesn’t care if he’s the butt of jokes — he’s laughing all the way to the biofuel bank.  Lex Towns, a chemical engineer, spent 20 years working on finding new energy sources for Mobil until he was laid off and forced to take a job at a local Taco Bell in order to pay the bills. It was that career twist, however, which enabled Towns to make his fortuitous discovery: assoline.

After eating burritos repeatedly at work all week, Towns noticed while driving home one Friday that he had an awful lot of gas.  He accidentally let one go while lighting a cigarette, and nearly exploded his car.  It turns out that his body is particularly good at making an unusually volatile gas. 
 
“Sure, I’m still working out the smell problem,” says the excited Towns, “so until I solve it, it’s probably best not to drive too close behind me.”
 
But like other biofuels, Towns’ device turns a natural, organic substance into a viable, gaseous alternative fuel source. Some major energy companies see potential in his production, and are now making him some pretty sweet offers to boost production reserves.
 
With the world’s oil supply dwindling, and gas prices and ocean levels rising, there’s a desperate need to utilize a new class of alternative and safe biofuels and it appears that Town’s ass is the answer.

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Peckers

Try my hot dog

Try my hot dog

WEST HOLLYWOOD – The restaurant enterprise Hooters is a big success. There are now 346 Hooters restaurants in several countries and there are more on the way. Al Jensen, a former Denny’s manager, figured there was room for another anatomy themed restaurant – Hooters is more about breasts than it is about owls – and so last year he took out a loan and opened Peckers. The restaurant, which uses a cute woodpecker logo, serves over fifty varieties of hot dogs in various shapes and sizes. The waiters at Peckers wear anatomy revealing tight shorts and their conversations with customers often include innuendo laced questions like: Do you like your hot dog in a bun? Do you want mayonnaise smothered on your hot dog? What size hot dog do you want?

But Jensen insists that it’s all on the up and up; it’s about the food. “Sure, we probably have some people who come in to look at the guys,” says the rotund Jensen,”but if the hot dogs sucked I’d be out of business.” And if you have the necessary equipment and you need a job, you’d be wise to head on down to Peckers because Jensen is looking for a few good men to help him open his second restaurant this fall. “Just remember”, added Jensen, “no stuffing socks down there. We’re an all natural restaurant.”

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